Enough
by aniMEtal94
Summary: The untold story of the feelings from that fateful night when Jiraiya went on his last mission. Tsunade centered.


**I certainly do not own Naruto, because if I did, Ero-sennin would have never died!**

 **Rated T because of few bad words and erotic suggestiveness.**

* * *

That evening sun was certainly too red. Blood red. It was an omen and she knew it, just didn't want to admit to herself; the thought was too frightening. He was smiling and reassuring her but he also knew that it was the end. He knew he was going to die on that mission almost certainly. _It's here and now that I have one last chance to open up my heart to her..._

But he couldn't.

She even begged him not to go and when he categorically refused, she couldn't suppress the tears anymore. She was not the almighty 5th Hokage that evening, she was just a woman. A simple woman with all her vulnerabilities. There was no way in hell that she would show that mellow side of hers to anyone! But – he wasn't just "anyone". He understood her far better than anyone else, sometimes even better than she could understand herself. It had always been that way. Ever since they were kids. He was always there for her, giving support and solace, and she would shamelessly turn to him whenever she needed help or advice. Then again, she never returned the favor.

She remembered how he was by her side when Nawaki and Dan died and how he tried to ease her pain by any means necessary, usually making a complete fool of himself just to see her smile faintly and forget about those excruciating memories even for an instance.

On the other side, when around her, he never showed any signs of being hurt or troubled, hiding those feelings under his jokes, pervy behavior, or just goofing around with that big, comforting grin of his. But she couldn't have not noticed his pain and anger at himself when he failed to stop Orochimaru, or that he was torn inside because he was constantly failing to find that destined pupil.

And yet, she didn't do anything for him. If anything, she's always been to cruel to him and treated him poorly. He did deserve some of it, that's for sure, but beating the living shit out of him and almost killing him that one time he tried to see her naked in onsen – that surely was an overreaction! Yet, the thing she felt bad about the most was that she chose Dan over him because, even though he never seriously confessed, somewhere in her heart she knew exactly how much he loved her. He was acting all so happy for her, even becoming close friends with Dan, but deep down he was broken beyond repair.

He was a notorious womanizer, of course, but no woman he had ever slept with managed to fill that void in his heart that Tsunade had made. All that meaningless sex made him feel even more miserable. He desperately tried to see her in every big breasted blonde, but to no avail. She was only one, and THE ONE for him. However, he had to accept the fact that she would never be his.

But maybe tonight… Maybe right here and now he could at least tell her how he feels… Then he saw her eyes getting watery.

\- If anything happens, use your frogs and let me know. I'll be there immediately!

He just approached her and with the most beautiful smile she'd ever seen told her:

\- No way. You're a Hokage now, the village needs you!

\- There are lot of Hokage candidates, we have Kakashi, even Naruto…

\- No, Tsunade, there's no need for you to risk your life! I'm capable of doing this myself, believe in me. What's more, the village will never be stable if leaders keep changing too frequently.

A single crystal drop started rolling down her left cheek, but his thumb was quick enough to wipe it away gently, cupping her cheek in his big palm.

\- What a Hokage you are… just look at you! Getting all flustered and crying – he mocked her jokingly. She just smiled bitterly while looking away.

\- A failure. That's what I am. As a sister, as a lover, as a ninja, as a Hokage. I haven't done any single good thing for you, so I'm a failure as a friend as well. Don't do this, Jiraiya, please, I… - her sentence was cut off by his lips. She was so shocked by his sudden kiss that her whole body froze and she couldn't even close her eyes. His hand was warm and tender despite all those little scars, wrinkles and callouses. Each and every one had its own story, not to mention the bigger scars and marks all around his body. The bigger the scar, the greater the story behind it. Suddenly, she felt a fleeting, almost indistinguishable desire to see all of his scars and trace her fingertips over them, but the thought was so weak and distant, it disappeared even before it formed. His lips were dry and salty with a lingering scent of sake (he was an old man after all) but the kiss was certainly the most heartwarming, sincere, beautiful, yet sad thing she had ever experienced.

When she came around from her daydreaming, he was already at the village gate showing her thumbs up, his tall, muscular silhouette disappearing into the crimson afterglow.

Shizune found her in the middle of the night sitting at the same bench they were sitting on a few hours ago.

\- Tsunade-sama, what are you doing!? You'll catch a cold here!

\- That's the last thing I'm worried about right now, Shizune.

\- You know the best of all people that Jiraiya-sama is strong. He will be alright. But you, my lady… Let's go to Hokage tower, you need to rest.

\- I refuse to move from this very spot until he returns safe and sound!

\- My lady, you're being childish, you're obviously drunk. Come on, let's go! - With that said, Shizune pulled her up and put her right arm around her shoulder, and got her up while holding her around the waist. _It would be a great trouble if someone of the councilors saw her like this._

Tsunade didn't resist. Her body was limp and out of her control. She was drunk, sad, bittersweet-happy, and afraid – all at the same time. She spent the night gazing into the ceiling replaying that kiss in her mind over and over again, and each time it felt less real and more painful. She struggled hard to preserve the exhilarated feeling of that moment, but it was fading unceasingly, being replaced by anxiety and fear of losing him. She made a bet against him, hoping that her usual bad luck will play it for her one more time, but her gambler's senses were telling her she's going to win this time, no matter how much she hated winning.

Thinking about that dreamlike moment, she was still shaking slightly, her knees were weak and she wished, oh how she wished it had lasted longer… Just a millisecond longer would have been fine. She wanted to hug him. No, she needed to embrace him, to hold him in her arms and never let him go, but… The memory of unsaid farewell and his wide back (and to think that would be the last thing of him she would see) still lingered there, as clear as ice. And the truth was there, as well. She loved him. But it was too late. She realized it too late. What's more, it was not appropriate for two old farts to fall in love at their age, anyway… or so she was forcing herself to believe.

He, being as exceptionally skilled shinobi as he was, easily infiltrated the Amegakure, but was inevitably engaged in fight against Pain. Somewhere in the back of his mind he made a mental note of gratitude that she was not there to see his hideous Sennin form. And just when the fight seemed to be over and won, the undead Pain rose and cut his arm off in a single moment of lowered guard. He was aware that it meant his certain end, and didn't even try to keep some hope; it was completely unnecessary and useless in that situation. All that he could do was to find a secret behind that hellish jutsu of Pain's. He couldn't make any hand signs, so Rasengan was the only desperate option for attack, yet it couldn't help him much in the end.

At least he forced himself to live for a moment longer and leave that dying message before the enemy's fatal strike. And in those last moments he finally found peace. The destined child was Naruto, there's was no doubt about it – his godson! He felt proud of him. And... she once admitted she would cry for him if he dies, meaning she cared. He had finally kissed her and knew that she got the message of that kiss. That alone was enough for him to finally rest in peace.

* * *

 **This is my very first fanfic, hope you guys enjoyed it! I'm looking forward to your reviews. Oh, and English is my second language, so please don't be too harsh on me for grammar mistakes, ok?**


End file.
